Why Your New Year’s Resolution Will Fail (Again)
I always hated the New Year's rush at gyms in January. The New Year’s “resolutioners” crowding the gyms and getting in the way of the rest of us “regulars” at the gym.
I still hate the New Year's gym rush, but for a very different reason. It's pretty amazing to see how many people are ready to take control of their health and make it a priority. I hate it though because, unfortunately, I know that most of these people will give up on their resolutions and disappear from the gym come February. Maybe I’ll see them back next January for a couple of weeks. Maybe not.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’ve already given up on your New Year’s resolution (if you even started on it). For those of you thinking “No, actually I haven’t,” well you’ll probably fail soon also.
I’m sure you’ve heard the numbers before: 80% of us will give up on our resolutions come February, and only 8% will actually stick to it the whole year.
Why, then, do we even bother setting resolutions? Why do we continue to set ourselves up for failure, year after year? Or, maybe the better question is how can we set ourselves up for success and stick with our resolutions this year?
If you don’t want to be a failure this year, read on for a non-exhaustive list of the most common problems I see in New Year's Resolutions (or any goals for that matter), and how we can fix those problems.
Problem #1: We repeat our mistakes.
We change nothing from our unsuccessful New Year’s resolution attempts last year, and the year before that, and maybe the year before that, and so on. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
It may not have worked the past several years, but we got it this year. Because this year is different, right? We’re TOTALLY motivated. THIS. IS. OUR. YEAR.
#newyearnewme #motivated #LETSDOTHIS
Mistakes are only good when we learn from them.
The Fix: Look back at your past resolutions and evaluate them. What worked? Were you successful in certain areas? What didn’t work? Where did you fail? Keep reading and we’ll answer this better.
Problem #2: We set a vague resolution.
It’s probably the same thing we said we were going to do last year:
“I’m going to get in shape.” “I need to lose weight.” “I’m going to start eating better.” “I want to better manage my stress.”
A vague goal is ridiculously easy to give up on.
The Fix: Get Specific. Get SMART.
Yes, we’re talking basic SMART goal setting:
Specific (who, what, where, why)
Measurable (how we will track progress to know when we’ve accomplished our goal)
Attainable (realistic, challenging yet attainable)
Relevant (aligns with our values and priorities)
Time-bound (deadline to achieve goal by)
This will take your “I need to lose weight” goal to “I will lose 30 pounds this year by getting 30 minutes of physical activity most days of the week and eating 4 servings of vegetables each day.”
I’m going to use losing weight as my example throughout as this is one of the most common and, therefore, most commonly failed resolutions. Know that all of the advice applies to any goal though.
Problem #3: We have our WHAT but not our WHY.
This is incredibly important.
We’ve made our goal SMART. However, all we’ve really done is define what we want to do and how we are going to do it. Unfortunately, this initial motivation we have will only stick around for so long.
The Fix: Find our WHY, our intrinsic motivation. Why is achieving this goal important to us? How does this align with our values and priorities? This is what will keep us going on those days we’re wondering why we ever started this in the first place.
Typically, when a client comes to me with a goal, I will ask them “Why?” two times. This (usually) will uncover their intrinsic motivation. For example:
Client: “I want to lose weight.”
Me: “Why do you want to lose weight?”
Client: “I just want to fit into my clothes better.”
Me: “Why is it important that you fit into your clothes better?”
Client: “I don’t feel confident in myself. For example, I’m really self-conscious when I’m leading meetings at work. It’s really been affecting me and taking a toll on me mentally.”
So what we discovered is that this person is actually wanting to gain confidence in his or herself, and losing weight is how they believe they can do that.
THAT is your motivation. THAT is what you need to keep in the forefront of your mind throughout this journey.
Problem #4: We try to do everything at once.
I cannot stress this one enough.
We want to lose weight, so we think we need to make drastic changes overnight. We’ve never gone to the gym before, but we just bought this self-proclaimed miracle workout program online that requires working out every single day and we’re going to do it!! We throw out all junk food in the house. No more sugar and definitely no carbs! We’re trying to lose weight here, and we read somewhere online that carbs will make us gain weight. We’re starting with a 10 day juice cleanse just to “restart” the body and rid it of those toxins from the alcohol and sweets we had over the holidays, then we’re going FULL KETO. We are COMMITTED!
Spoiler alert: This will be a total failure within 7-30 days. Sure, we’ll most likely lose some weight to start. Then we’ll fall off track because it’s too much to handle. We'll gain back that weight we had lost, plus more weight.
The Fix: Baby steps. One thing at a time. Drastic changes are not the answer. If we want long-term and sustainable results, we need behavior change This can take time. We start with a small change and build upon that, increasing our self-efficacy from each successful change we implement.
Say our goal is to lose weight by eating better and we believe the way to do this is by not eating fast food every day at work when we go to lunch. Rather than starting with a goal of “I won’t eat fast food anymore,” we can begin with a smaller, more realistic change that we feel confident we can adhere to such as “I will start bringing my lunch to work 2 days per week.” (Also reframing a negative here from “I won’t” to a positive with “I will” is beneficial). Once we have successfully made this change, then we can progress it or add another small behavior change. Maybe now we want to start eating more vegetables, so we decide we will work on having vegetables with dinner each night during the week. We continue to progress like this, making small changes and building our self-efficacy.
“We don’t have to do everything at once. In fact, it’s better if we don’t.”
Problem #5: We don’t make short-term goals.
We’ve made our resolution specific, but that’s one long-term goal. Think about this: We get home from work on a Wednesday evening and we’re supposed to do a 30 minute workout. We’re tired though. We just had a super stressful day at work. All we want to do is throw a frozen pizza in the oven and sit on the couch to watch our favorite TV show. But we’re supposed to workout. Eh, that’s okay, it’s only March. We have the rest of the year to lose that weight. We’ll get back on track next week. Promise.
But next week comes and goes, and we haven’t gotten back on track yet. Suddenly it’s October and we’ve made little or no progress towards our goal. We get a workout or a walk in here and there, but nothing consistent. Now the holidays are coming up. It’s going to be so hard to workout and eat healthy then. Screw it, we’ll just restart in the New Year.
And the failed New Year’s resolution cycle continues….
The Fix: Break down your resolution into several short-term goals. This will highly increase our adherence to our longer term goal. Going off the original goal to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year, we can break this down into monthly SMART goals:
“We will lose 2 pounds in January by walking for 30 minutes during our lunch break 3x/week at work.”
“We will lose 2 pounds in February by walking for 30 minutes during our lunch break 3x/week at work and eating vegetables with dinner each night during the week.”
“We will lose 3 pounds in March by walking for 30 minutes during our lunch break 3x/week at work, eating vegetables with dinner each night during the week, and strength training 2x/week.”
And so on…..
Problem #6: We assume everything will go as planned.
We’re all set. We’ve set our long-term and short-term SMART goals, we’ve decided on the first couple of steps to work towards this goal. We’ve got a damn good plan.
Then suddenly shit hits the fan. We get called into a meeting with our boss to find out we’re being let go. We get an unexpected phone call with some terrible news. We somehow leave the fridge open and all of our food goes bad. We get a red light ticket in the mail. We come home to find our dog tore apart the couch.
We’re not new to life. We know things rarely go as planned. There will be obstacles, barriers, setbacks, totally unpredictable circumstances. (Did somebody say 2020 or COVID?)
The Fix: Persistence and continual re-evaluation and adjustment of our short-term goals (and long-term goal if needed). Progress almost never goes as planned.
It’s important to not get discouraged if and when we fall off track. When that unexpected situation arises and we have a really bad week (or month), we don’t just throw in the towel and forget about our goals. We take a step back, adjust our goals, and get back to it. So maybe we skipped our workouts and ate fast food because we were just having one of those weeks. We may not reach that month’s weight loss goal, but we can adjust it to what we think is realistic. Then we’re back on track for the next month.
Problem #7: We keep our goal as a thought in our own head.
We’re going to do this on our own. We got this. We don’t need help from anyone else. We’re not weak. #INDEPENDENT (I’ve been guilty of this one a time or two.)
Don’t get me wrong, being self-motivated is crucial. We still want to increase our likelihood of adhering to our plan though. To do this, we need some help.
The Fix: Write it down. Share it. Find support.
We need to write down our goal. Yes, physically write it down. In a journal, on a piece of paper (sure, or type it in the notes section on our phone). Just write it somewhere. This is a pretty simple and definitely effective step that is often overlooked.
Share our goal with someone. We can share it with our best friend, parent, kid, barista, trainer, or coach. As long as it’s someone we trust. This instantly creates accountability
Find social support. It could be asking the person we shared our goal with to check in on us from time to time. It could be working with a coach. It could be joining a group in our neighborhood or online with people that are working toward a similar goal.
All of these things will help create accountability and provide the support we’ll need along the way.
Not asking for help when it’s needed is a great sign of weakness.
Problem #8: We take any shortcut we can find.
ANY shortcut that will make this easier and faster. We fall for crash diets and miracle workout plans. We don’t want to put in the time or effort. We want results NOW.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. (No, we don’t sprint marathons.)
The Fix: Be prepared to put forth the effort and make some sacrifices. Let’s not be lazy here. If this was easy, it wouldn’t be a goal. We would have already done it.
We may need to make sacrifices. We might need to skip Wednesday happy hour after work to go to the gym or so we can get up early the next morning to workout. We might need to distance ourselves from toxic people in our life, even if that means not getting an invite to Sam’s Halloween bash. We might need to change our spending habits (do we NEED that new pair of shoes?) so we can invest in our health (spending money on a gym membership, coach, or program).
If we’re not willing to put forth the effort, then our goal most likely does not align with our values and priorities and, therefore, is not a goal but a want.
Final problem: We take no action.
We finish reading (or skimming) this blog (or rant). We’re thinking how it all makes sense. We’re feeling pretty motivated that we’re actually going to be successful this year. “I’ll show Kari how wrong she is for assuming I’ll fail at my resolution.” We know what we need to do to make our goals SMART, to make an actionable plan, to uncover our true motivation, to actually succeed this year. “I’ll do it later,” we think to ourselves. We press play on that Netflix show we’ve been binging on and reopen Instagram and continue scrolling.
The Fix: I don’t have a fix for this one. All I can do is hope that you take something out of this and put it into action. Nobody wants to be a failure, right?
Let’s not be that person that reads every self-help and motivational book there is, but never puts any of the advice into practice.
